Even though you didn't birth your baby, doesn't mean your not a Mom!

Hello to All Mamas!

Vaginal delivery moms, C-section moms, adoptive moms, foster moms, step moms, soon-to-be moms, grandmoms, dad's who are doing both jobs of mother and father, surrogate moms, single moms and mom figures...we are all MOMS!!

The first time someone said to me, "what about her 'real' mom?" or " you're not her 'real' mom" my heart sank. As an adoptive mom, I completely understand the process of grief, and how it effects each person in the adoption triad. Adoption is loss for the birth mom or birth parents, the child and the adoptive parents. There is no such thing as adoption without loss.

There is people including other moms out there who don't really consider adoptive moms as real moms because we didn't go through the while pregnancy/birthing experience ourselves.

Neither giving birth to a child or adopting a child is superior; both are special, and both are great ways to have a child of your own. Giving birth is one act (a big act!), but parenting is made up of thousands acts each day, and it is the sum total of all these acts that create parents and parenthood. Biology has little to do with it, unless you make it.

Family is not just by blood, it is all the other stuff that makes us a family.

As an adoptive parent, I always enjoy hearing other's birth stories since I have never experienced giving birth. One thing that is much different between birthing a child and going through the process of adoption is for all my birth moms, no one care if you were fit to be a mother, no one came to inspect your house, no one checked to see if you and your spouse were criminals. Those who haven't adopted are always curious to hear more about the adoption process and our adoption story (which I was also share in another post!). When we tell people we are adoptive parents, they want to know why we didn't have our "own" kids. Our girls are our own children-they are our daughter's the same as your kids are your kids!

I believe you are a mother no matter how that child became yours. It doesn't matter what other people think. What is important is that you give that child the same unconditional love and attention you would a genetically linked child.

Don't get me wrong, adoption and giving birth are two very different ways of creating a family. But just as Paris and Mexico are two different vacation destinations, or chocolate and vanilla are two different flavors of ice cream. Adoptive parents don't get to experience the joys and pains of pregnancy and birth. But there are things that birth parents miss out on by not adopting.

Adoptive parent don’t get to experience the joys and pains of pregnancy and birth. We don’t have the visual proof of impending parenthood. We miss out on the wonder of seeing a tiny foot or head or butt make waves across the belly. Adoptive moms likely won’t get to breastfeed exclusively. And then there is the worry about the unknown–prenatal exposures, genetic conditions, emotional state of the birth mother, and on and on.

We seem to focus so readily on what adoptive parent miss by not giving birth that we overlook what parents by birth miss by not adopting. If you haven’t adopted you haven’t felt the breath holding excitement of “getting the call” announcing that a birth mother has chosen you. You’ve missed the wonder of meeting a fully formed human being that is your child, complete with all the unspoken possibilities of that relationship.

People who’ve never adopted have never felt the overwhelming intensity of first meeting their child. It’s hard to explain the giddy anticipation mixed with unnamed anxiety. This combination of emotions helps etch even the tiniest details into your memory forever– the colors, the smells, the words, the emotions.

Adoption can make the everyday seem miraculous.

The feeling of unique satisfaction when we look around our Thanksgiving table and realize that we are a family created by choice and love.

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but I am there to calm them in the middle of the night because of an accident, nosebleed, or scary dream.

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but the diaper changes are real. (Trust me!)

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but I read to them, dance with them, and laugh with them—every day.

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but somehow, they look just like my husband and I. Big blue eyes, almost identical hair colors, and matching noses.

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but both of them smile the same way I do…total full teeth smile.

I didn’t give birth to my girls, but they call me “Mom,” and I’ve never loved two human beings more.

A child you conceive will share half your DNA, and while it’s true that appearance and certain characteristics are influenced by genetics, what’s most interesting from research, as well as from my personal experience, is how little of our traits, personality, and intelligence are controlled exclusively by our genes.

Today and always we will celebrate how adoption made us a family. Our never-ending love, happiness, joy and gratitude felt towards our sweet girls. We will be forever grateful to be chosen to be our girls parents.

After all, we are a family bonded by love and all the other treasures that have been passed down from our parents. Because relationships are not just blood…it’s all of the other stuff that makes us a family.

Not everyone understands or will ever understand what it's like to go through an #adoption or the process it takes to get to adoption or even the emotions & feelings felt by the birth parents for making such a difficult and brave decision. The emotions & feelings felt by the adoptive parents and child.

Please be mindful before you speak. Words can affect everyone around us without even realizing it. Remember that everyone's story, experiences and lives are unique and special in their own ways! ♥

All kids deserve love and all parents of kids do too.

Xoxo,

Another Mama