Navigating the Unexpected: Our Infertility Journey and Path to Adoption

1 in 8 couples will experience infertility.

It’s understandable why most couples keep their TTC (trying to conceive), infertility, IVF and loss experiences to themselves, or a small circle of loved ones.

The thing that saved me through this entire infertility journey was hearing other women bravely speak about their own experiences. Their stories are 100% how I learned, was comforted, and how I kept going.

Infertility shouldn’t be a path you have to travel alone. There is a vibrant, empathetic community standing by. I hope my story adds to that beautiful echo of voices, the fearless women who are bravely sharing.

After opening up about my own experiences, I was surprised that so many people I knew—old acquaintances, friends of friends, and more—made contact with me and were either going through or had been through something similar.

I want to share our share to help encourage honest conversations. Increase awareness. Reduce shame. Educate.

Embarking on the journey to build a family is often filled with excitement and anticipation. Little did we know that our path would take unexpected turns, leading us through the challenging landscape of infertility.

This is our story—a story of resilience, love, and the discovery that sometimes, the most profound joy comes from the unforeseen twists in life.

The Initial Struggle:

My husband, Cory, and I got married in 2014. We had always had discussions about starting a family, but we had wanted to wait to start trying to grow our family for a few more years until be felt ‘ready’. Then fast forward a few years, we decided it was time to start trying to convince (ttc).

It made me so giddy to imagine our dreams becoming a reality!

But month after month, we had no success. Then one month my period was late, and I had truly felt in my heart that this was it. Then after a few negative pregnancy tests, one-week later my period arrived, yet again. I felt devastated. I had started to doubt myself, question everything, I felt very low and alone.

The emotional rollercoaster of failed attempts and unfulfilled dreams tested our strength as individuals and as a couple.

Facing the Diagnosis:

We decided it was time to seek advice from a physician. Since it’s easier for males to complete a lot of the tests needed for fertility, Cory was up on the pedestal first, while I started with blood work. My blood work came back normal, Cory’s results had shown low testosterone. So his physician sent him for a semen analysis (if only you all could’ve seen his face, when he found out this had to be done in an office at a local hospital!). The first analysis came back abnormal, so they wanted to repeat. The repeat analysis came back the same, so now fast forward 3 months, we were being referred to a urologist who specialized in male infertility (as we were likely to be seen sooner!) and the PCRM (The Pacific Centre for Reproductive Medicine).

For anyone familiar with the health system in Alberta and or Canada, this took months and month to even get an appointment with this specialist. So, after more blood work and 2 more semen analysis, ultrasounds for both of us, and countless other tests, we met with the specialist. The news was devastating. My husband was sterile (there was a complete absence of sperm and any signs of sperm cells at all!), this means, we were never going to be able to conceive a child. Our child. We were heart broken.

Cory was having a really hard time dealing with this, as I’m sure any man would. He felt his manhood had been called into question, because he wasn’t able to do his "duty" and "provide" me with a child. Which I thought was ridiculous, I picked him first before any of this and at 17 years old when we met (again!), I asked myself would I have not started dating him if I knew he was sterile, uh no, because I was 17 and having a child was the farthest thing from my mind. At this time, I was trying to prevent pregnancy, so the answer was no!

#infertility really is all-consuming. Something that is supposed to be a natural body process becomes a scientific experiment with your entire life's goal wrapped up into it. We talked about all of our options, and unfortunately in our situation, IUI, IVF and TESA (Testicular sperm aspiration) for IVF/ICSI were not possibilities.

Answering the questions:

"When are you going to start a family?"

"I've heard if you just relax, you'll get pregnant! Take a vacation!"

"You're so young, you have time!"

Each time they were asked stung a little more over the course of our few year battle . I would consider ourselves lucky as I've known people that were struggling and are still struggling with infertility 9 or 10+ years into their journey.

It was so heartbreaking to watch my social media feeds flood with pregnancy announcements when I longed for that so badly! Infertility is an over-thinker's nightmare, definitely not suitable for the Type A personality I possess, because it is something that is so vastly out of your control. Which is actually a great lesson in itself, when looking at it from a more positive perspective. It is so ironic, hoping with all your might to be a mom, but also realizing that this was the journey that was meant for me, and taking those lessons learned to heart.

As time went on we continued to process, think about what was our next steps, and we had talked about adoption as this felt like the most natural choice for us!

Instead of allowing infertility to define us, we chose to redefine what family meant to us.

The Decision to Adopt:

Then one morning, we both looked at each other and we just knew. We were going to adopt!

Adoption wasn't a Plan B; it was a new chapter of embracing parenthood in a different form. The decision was accompanied by a mix of emotions—excitement, anxiety, and the unmistakable warmth that comes with the promise of providing a loving home to a child who needed one.

After partnering with an adoption agency, the journey officially began.

The Adoption Process:

Navigating the adoption process brought its own set of challenges. From paperwork and legalities to emotional readiness, every step required patience and resilience. Yet, with every obstacle, we grew more determined to welcome a child into our lives (which I will have an entire blog post dedicated too soon!).

Building Our Family:

The day we met our 1st daughter was a moment etched in our hearts forever. The connection felt instantaneous, as if destiny had guided us to this beautiful soul meant to be a part of our family. The joy and fulfillment that parenthood brought us were beyond measure, proving that love knows no biological boundaries.

I never knew that becoming a mom through adoption would feel this “normal”. I worried about bonding, mourning no experiencing birth, & so much more. But all of those worries never came true. The second Aurora was born the love was so deep, I couldn’t describe it. The second I held her, she felt like home & when I look at her, I never think of how sad it was that I didn’t give birth to her, but I think of how beautiful her story is.

Becoming a mom through adoption after infertility is the best. It’s worth the wait, it’s worth the struggle, it’s worth the pain, it’s worth it all because it is truly the best feeling in the world. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that every worry you have about adoption isn’t worth worrying about. Is it hard? yes. Is it a lot? yes. Is it worth it? yes. yes. yes. yes. a million times yes! It’s worth the scary and the not so good because becoming a mom through adoption after infertility is simply just.. becoming a mom. and being a mom is one of the greatest things in the world and it’s worth the wait, the struggle, the pain, the longing, the mourning… in an instant you understand why that all happened & in an instant you are simply just mom and all is right in the world.

Our infertility journey, though initially marked by heartache, led us to a place of unexpected joy and fulfillment through adoption. It taught us that the road to parenthood is diverse, and family is defined by love rather than genetics. In sharing our story, we hope to inspire others facing similar challenges to consider alternative paths with open hearts, and reminding them that happiness often waits in the uncharted territories of life.

TO THE TTC COMMUNITY: I SEE YOU.

(TTC – trying to conceive) I want to conclude this post by addressing anyone out there going through infertility, IVF, secondary infertility, miscarriage, loss or heavy hearts of any kind in this area. I know reading pregnancy news is extremely triggering. Some of my heaviest tears were shed from seeing pregnancy announcements pop up online. You’re happy for them, but can’t help feeling sad for yourself. Please never forget that you are so strong, and worthy of all the joy you are seeking. I am sending you love, hope and healing. I see you. Our TTC stories are all so different, but they unite us just the same.

If you want to share your infertilely journey with me or need a shoulder, from someone who has been there, please reach out to me at guiltfreemotherhoodsociety@gmail.com

Xoxo,

Another Mama